Open with a Bang; Close with a Bang

Slavery in ancient Greece WAS a laughing matter. But you'll have to read the post beneath this, the one called "How to Give a KNOCKOUT Speech," in order to really understand why.


Okay, so assuming you read a least a little of it, you know that last week the assignment I gave my English students was to give a informative, knockout speech to the class. I had coached the students via the first "O" in "KNOCKOUT" to "open with a bang." (Did I say that 3 of my own 4 kids are in the class? It's for homeschoolers, and you know the saying,"Birds of a feather....?) My son, Ben,had prepared his speech by reading over the notes explaining the acronym KNOCKOUT.

I knew ahead of time the topic of each person's speech; they all had something to do with ancient Greece because they had just researched it for a history class.

Ben's topic was democracy in ancient Greece. Sounds like a snoozer, huh? Since he had refused to practice the speech in front of our family, I was trusting he'd been preparing somehow, some way, to keep his audience awake,if not enthralled.

He approached the podium in his six-foot-five-inch body with calm confidence. He set his notes down. Then he opened with a bang. Literally. The guy deliberately banged one loud time on the podium. Four of the seven people "got" it and chuckled.

Then he continued. I had said, "Use humor if appropriate. But be careful about starting with a joke.If it flops, you're off to a bad start." So here's what came out of his mouth: "Why did the government worker look out the window in the morning?........ Because he wanted something to do in the afternoon."

So not only did he tell a self-admitted stupid joke, he messed it up, which made it all the funnier, but I wasn't sure he meant to. So there I am, sitting only two yards away, trying to be a model audience member and encouraging teacher. Gripped with shoulder-shaking laughter, I am drawing my shirt up over my nose and mouth to stifle myself. I'm hopelessly undone.

I had also coached them to KNOW their subject and to write down in complete sentences only things like quotes, statistics, things that they could read verbatim. (Everything else should be bullet points; whatever you do, DON'T read to your audience!!!) I emphasized the importance of writing or typing the notes in a neat, large font. You don't want to squint up there. YOu also need to practice, practice, practice to be smooth and confident.

When Mom/teacher finally composed herself, Ben continued. "The three most important things Solon did to make Athens a democracy was..." and he told us one. "Uh, I can't really read my writing, and actually, I forgot to write the other two." Snicker, snicker.

Then he closed with a bang. Yup. Literally. But two of the girls STILL didn't get it...until my second son got up there.

Stephen studies comedy as a hobby. He LOVES an audience and nothing thrills him like a roomful of guffaws.

He also approached the podium with calm assurance. Next to the thin, metal podium was a thick, wooden table, capable of greater resonance. Stephen banged on the table and then started reading his speech to the class. Halfway into the serious introduction of slavery in ancient Greece, Rachel whispered to Emily, "NOW I get it--open with a bang!" These girls snorted and cackled and smacked their hands over their mouths, but it was too late. Stephen was in his glory. For him, reminiscing about slavery in ancient Greece will always be really, really funny.